God is good.

Well, at the beginning of June, I took one last kick at the cat. The last option before moving on to IVF in September. Clomid. I didn't really think it would make any difference, because ovulating is not my problem but I figured, what have I got to lose. I suffered through the first week. Headaches, night sweats, moodiness and just a general feeling like I was headed to the funny farm. I took 50mg (the lowest dose) from cycle days 4 to 8. I took a pregnancy test like I usually do each month so I know to stop taking the progesterone and to my surprise, it was positive!!!! YAY!!! I was pregnant!!! Again. Then the fear and doubt took over. However, I managed to put the other failed pregnancies out of my mind and just tried to stay positive. A few days before my period was due, I started spotting. I was crushed. So crushed, in fact, that I had to take the day off from work. I was so upset and disappointed that I couldn't even manage to leave the house. By the afternoon though, the spotting stopped and didn't come back! I continued to spend an obscene amount of money on pregnancy tests and took one every day to make sure the lines were getting darker and not lighter. They got darker!! Next thing I had to face was my ultrasound at 6 weeks 4 days. As if I wasn't nervous enough, 2 days before my appointment, I woke up to more spotting. It only lasted that day and went away. I went to the ultrasound almost expecting them to tell me there was no heartbeat, but instead was floored when the tech showed me a nice, strong, beating heart!!!!! She also saw a small "bleed" that she said caused the spotting and although most of them heal themselves, it was something to watch. That night I gave in to the evils of Google and found that there was a chance this bleed would cause me to miscarry. Once again, I was terrified. I was especially terrified when 6 days later, the spotting returned for about an hour. Once again though, it went away. My first prenatal appointment went well and the doctor wasn't concerned with the bleed. He said everything looked good and reminded me that at this point "It was out of our hands." Turns out that God's hands were very gracious and fast forward to today's date, I am almost 13 weeks and had the most amazing experience today. I got to see my baby for the second time. Wiggling and twisting and turning with a healthy heartbeat. It even looks like a baby now!! Today was one of the best days of my life. I am still nervous and cautious and afraid to let myself get too excited. I suspect because of my history, those feelings will continue until this beautiful baby is safe in my arms. I will keep you all updated. I hope you'll come along for the ride. A ride down a road that I started to think I would never get to see. Dreams do come true.
God is good.