Mental Health Break

So last I wrote, I was in the midst of a 2WW. Unfortunately, the month ended with a big fat negative and it took more of a toll on me than it usually does. The progesterone I have to take every month for the second half of my cycle was particularly horrible on the hormones last cycle and caused everything from extreme moodiness to breasts so sore I had to cover them with my hands to stand in the shower facing the stream of water. All of these symptoms honestly had me believing that I was pregnant and the month was a success. When I found out the month had been another bust, I took it much harder than I usually do. I cried. I screamed. I cursed teenage un-wed mothers when I saw them pushing their strollers down the sidewalk with one hand while they puffed on a cigarette with the other. I had it out with God and asked him what I could have possibly done to deserve this pain I was going through. I did everything. When the progesterone finally made it's way out of my system and I woke up a little less like "Regan MacNeil", I decided that what I needed was a break. Even just one month free of temperature taking, the fertility monitor, the ovulation predictor strips, having sex on demand when a pee strip tells me to....all of those things. I realized this baby thing has completely consumed my life. I actually had no life anymore. Each day was just another block on my desk pad, that informed me that I was either waiting to ovulate, ovulating or waiting to take a pregnancy test. I needed a break from the complete madness that had become my life. This month, I am taking a "Trying to Conceive Vacation"; that is, a vacation FROM trying to conceive and not a vacation for the purpose of trying to conceive. I don't know what stage my reproductive parts are in on this day of this cycle and frankly, I don't give a damn.....and guess what? If my husband and I do have a romantic hour this month (ok, ok....15 minutes...), it will be because we actually WANT to have sex....imagine that!!!!!
It will be back to the grind (ha...what a choice in words) next month, but until then, it feels really good to be only slightly crazy and back to my old self, in a time where I understood there was more to life than just having a baby.