Another Dream

I had THE dream last night. The one where I take a pregnancy test and it's positive. Right now you're probably thinking "So? It's just a dream. After all, you're so consumed with trying to get pregnant, why wouldn't you dream about it? It is on your mind 24/7." Well, let me tell you...I am a superstitious person and yes, I am one of those crazy types that believes dreams can have meaning. I'll take you back to summer of 2010, when I had the same dream and then a couple of months later found out I was pregnant. Then again to May of 2011, when I had the dream again, but in my dream the lines on the test were very faint. I got pregnant a couple of months later in July, but unfortunately the pregnancy wasn't a success and the first hint it wasn't going to be was the fact that the lines on the pregnancy tests weren't getting any darker. Then again in August, I had the same "faint line" dream and yet again, the same thing happened when I discovered I was pregnant in September. Last night was different. I had a dream I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, however the lines were dark. I took another and another and another. Every test was positive and had dark lines. I just knew this pregnancy would be different and things would be fine. So, even if you are the scientific type who doesn't believe that a dream has even an ounce of meaning, cross your fingers for me. Cross your fingers that this great dream comes true just like the sad dreams before it. I've got everything crossed (OK...legs don't count!). Here's hoping.

Mental Health Break

So last I wrote, I was in the midst of a 2WW. Unfortunately, the month ended with a big fat negative and it took more of a toll on me than it usually does. The progesterone I have to take every month for the second half of my cycle was particularly horrible on the hormones last cycle and caused everything from extreme moodiness to breasts so sore I had to cover them with my hands to stand in the shower facing the stream of water. All of these symptoms honestly had me believing that I was pregnant and the month was a success. When I found out the month had been another bust, I took it much harder than I usually do. I cried. I screamed. I cursed teenage un-wed mothers when I saw them pushing their strollers down the sidewalk with one hand while they puffed on a cigarette with the other. I had it out with God and asked him what I could have possibly done to deserve this pain I was going through. I did everything. When the progesterone finally made it's way out of my system and I woke up a little less like "Regan MacNeil", I decided that what I needed was a break. Even just one month free of temperature taking, the fertility monitor, the ovulation predictor strips, having sex on demand when a pee strip tells me to....all of those things. I realized this baby thing has completely consumed my life. I actually had no life anymore. Each day was just another block on my desk pad, that informed me that I was either waiting to ovulate, ovulating or waiting to take a pregnancy test. I needed a break from the complete madness that had become my life. This month, I am taking a "Trying to Conceive Vacation"; that is, a vacation FROM trying to conceive and not a vacation for the purpose of trying to conceive. I don't know what stage my reproductive parts are in on this day of this cycle and frankly, I don't give a damn.....and guess what? If my husband and I do have a romantic hour this month (ok, ok....15 minutes...), it will be because we actually WANT to have sex....imagine that!!!!!
It will be back to the grind (ha...what a choice in words) next month, but until then, it feels really good to be only slightly crazy and back to my old self, in a time where I understood there was more to life than just having a baby.